"....I love technology, now and forever"

What did the peoples do before technology? I mean other than putting all of their energy into survival. Let me introduce you to my newest best friend:

I got her for Christmas and during the past 6 months she has done nothing but give give give. Her first contribution was providing my husband with piece of mind. You see, I was 8 months pregnant and everyday I would take our little puppy for a walk through the town. Everyday my husband would firmly instruct me to take my phone with me on ALL walks. "Gee" I wondered out loud, "What did pregnant ladies do before the invention of cell phones?" My husbands quick answer, "They had their babies on the side of the road with their dogs acting as midwife." I quickly realized this was one area I did not want to repeat the actions of my ancestors.

This new BFF didn't stop there, she continued to support me when I had the baby. While I was in the hospital and all others had deserted me for either food or sleep, she stayed by my side. She provided me with knowledge of the outside world, and pictures of my new beautiful baby when I couldn't be by his side.

Since that time she has entertained me with games and gossip. Her most recent gift to me is in the form of "aldiko" an ebook reader application. In a matter of seconds I can download a free classic book for my enjoyment.

This post is dedicated to you Eris; may you continue to be wonderful and giving during the course of our relationship, and maybe I'll name my next baby after you.

Crazy little Changes

After being married for 8 1/2 years my cupboard now looks like this:

And my spoon drawer now looks like this: Last week the pediatrician said it was time to start giving Karston "real food." How anyone can call use that term for rice mush is another issue. As we went out to get our first box of rice cereal, I realized we did not have any appropriate dishes or utensils for children. For so many years Andrew and I have lived comfortably as two adults. Now I'm seeing bright plastic colors in my kitchen and I'm loving it. Having a baby truly takes over every corner of my life. Everywhere I look there are telltale signs that a baby lives in this house. Andrew and I were very happy when it was just the two of us together; we had no idea our happiness could increase this much by adding a child into the mix.

As for the rice goo.......we are getting better. After a week, Karston no longer makes a gagging sound as he spits out EVERY SINGLE BITE. At the same time he doesn't really seem to enjoy it very much. He would like to help put the spoon in his mouth, but his current lack depth perception makes it much more likely that the spoon will jab him in the eye or on the forehead rather than make it to the mouth. Oh how I love these silly little moments!

Bad Mom Trial: Evidence A

See that scratch that runs across my baby's forehead? He put that there sometime between 11pm last night at 5am this morning. Unfortunately my son has inherited my trait of flailing around while sleeping. He takes this trait one step farther by inflicting self-harm during said sleep-flailing.

Never mind that we are CONSTANTLY trimming his fingernails, they ALWAYS feel like mini-jaggers. I know this because another favorite game of his is "Scratch Mommy's Face Off." It's not a game I particularly enjoy, but he's so darn cute I can't help but to indulge him.

Despite the fact that my child is clean, well feed, happy, and looks genuinely thrilled when he sees me, that scratch is a Scarlet Letter letting the world know what a horrible mother I actually am. Will it always be like this? I want to save my baby from anything harmful or painful; but when I'm not able to, will I always feel like a dismal failure?

Where's the Puppy Love?

As if the arrival of our very first child wasn't going to be crazy enough, my husband and I decided to get a puppy last winter. I was 6 1/2 months pregnant and knowing we would soon be sleep deprived zombies buried up to our thighs in diapers; we decided what would really make the chaos complete was an adorable little furball to chew up our furniture and pee on the floors.

It was pretty much love at first sight when we saw this puppy, and luckily he loved us back. I mean HELLO! who could not love that scrunchie little face? From day 1 Chief aspired to be our lap dog. I happily gave in to his desires. My husband, Mr. Doom and Gloom, warned me that one day I would no longer be happy about a full sized dog sitting on my lap. I blissfully ignored him and continued to encourage Chief's lapdog behaviors. Of course, the fact that Andrew could not say no to those big sad eyes and would also let Chief sit in his lap did not help his cause.

For 2 months Chief basked in the glory of being the center of our lives. Then came the fateful day we brought the baby home and Chief's quality of life has drastically gone down hill. (According the Chief, anyways.) No matter how much love and attention we shower onto the Chief, the minute we start paying attention to Karston (and lets be honest - the minutes we pay attention to Karston far outweigh the minutes given to Chief), Chiefs heart is filled with despair, which is clearly visible on his little furry face. Our 50 lb puppy can't understand why we have replaced him as our lap friend.

To win his way back into our laps he has resorted to 'trickery.' He's always been a tricky puppy. When we would tell him to get off the couch he would hide his head under a pillow, the old "if you can't see my head, I'm not on the couch" trick. As he got taller he would put his front paws on the ground, leaving his back end sitting firmly on the couch, the old "if part of me is on the floor all of me is on the floor" trick. In order to steal our hearts away from the baby, he has pulled out all new tricks.

He is not allowed in our bedroom, so whenever we are in their with Karston, Chief will very pathetically sigh and plop down across the threshold. Keeping his head down (so as not to arouse our suspicion) he slowly and carefully army crawls his way towards us. Seriously, with this kind of stealth he should be a ninja dog.

I'm not sure if this is a ninja dog, or a ninja rat...either way I'm pretty sure my dog could out ninja it

My favorite trick of all however happens to be the "oops, it was an accident" trick. Now that he is no longer encouraged to reside in our laps he waits very patiently for us to sit on the floor. He very obligingly sits down next to us and then suddenly he is falling and quite accidentally/on purpose finds himself in the middle of our laps. He really is quite brilliant.

The Mom who didn't allow her Son to wear clothes

Yes, I am the mother who is currently not allowing my child to wear anything other than his diaper. Since he is only 4 months old, I'm sure he isn't upset. Why this ban on clothes? You ask. Well the answer is all about the poop. Karston is a champion pooper. From the day we brought him home he has excelled at this talent. He ate-he pooped; he sneezed-he pooped; he hiccuped-he pooped; I think you see the trend. Let's not forget the mid-diaper changing poop. That was a special rocket explosive poop that came out with GUSTO! leaving me to wonder who jumped on the mustard bottle?

When he turned 2 months old I read in all the baby books that it was not uncommon for babies to start pooping only once a day or LESS!! In my happy dance I jiggled to the left and jiggled to the right as angels sang the chorus to Hallelujah.

I had underestimated my sons pooping capabilities. He still pooped 6 times a day. I shouted to the heavens "where are these babies that poop only once a week?" Last month my wish had been granted, and my son started pooping 1 to 2 times a day. Moral of this crap filled story? Be careful what you wish for. Now I have 6 diapers worth of poop coming out in only 2 diapers. The few times we don't have the joy of a blowout, the diaper is completely saturated and poop oozes out throw the cotton lining.

I'm positive this was designed with Karston in mind

As I type this he has not had a messy diaper for 36 hours. (When did my life become all about counting the hours between poops?) Good thing it's a warm day and the garden hose is ready. Of course there is always the back-up plan.....doggy tongue bath.

Dear Neighborhood Dogs

To the dogs that live on either side of me and directly across the street (all freaking 8 of you). I'm not sure how you decided that 2am was the best practice time for your double quartet, but your harmony makes the inside of my head bleed. Did your owners recently hack of their ears in order to let this catastrophe continue??? My baby makes sure to wake up and sing along with your little jingle that I like to call 'make as much awful noise as you can.'

I guess the only thing left to say is, thank you for saving me from having to sleep through the night.

Sincerely,

Your neighbor who is considering buying a shotgun

Don't Tell My Husband

If my husband new I had joined the 'blogging world' he would try to mock. Andrew is all about privacy, which is why we can't have a Smith's Card, heaven forbid that anyone should find out we buy the cheapest gallon of milk we can find from week to week.

I admit I am hesitant to expose myself to the ridicule and the sneers. Which is why I won't tell anyone about this blog. Maybe over time someone will accidentally fall across my path. Until then this blog is for me to flex my (currently nonexistent) blogging muscles and decide if I have anything worthy to say.

Cross your fingers that this won't be my one and only post.